My Friend Group's Chat Never Stops

My gay friend group has a group chat that works harder than most people I know. 247 messages before breakfast.

It's seven in the morning. My phone is vibrating like it's having a heart attack.

247 messages. In the group chat. Before breakfast.

The usual suspects

My gay friend group consists of six guys. And one group chat that never sleeps.

We call ourselves Brunch & Bitching. We thought it was hilarious two years ago. Now nobody dares change the name.

Mark sends a cat gif every morning. Always the same cat. Nobody knows why.

Thomas sends screenshots of Grindr conversations. Every day. For commentary.

And then there's Bas. Bas only sends voice messages. Three minutes long. About absolutely nothing.

I open the app. I scroll up. And up. And further up.

Somewhere around half two last night, something went down. But what?

Someone had a date. Someone else thought that was a terrible idea. A third person sent a meme. Then it escalated.

Now it says: "I'm DONE with him."

With who? No idea. I don't dare ask. Then I'd have to admit I was sleeping.

There are rules in a group chat like this. They're written down nowhere. But everyone knows them.

Rule one: you respond to someone's outfit photo within ten minutes. Otherwise you're a bad friend.

Rule two: a heartbreak message gets at least three hearts, two hugging emojis, and one "let's go get drunk."

Rule three: if someone meets a new guy, you want his Instagram within an hour. And a verdict.

The verdict is usually: "Hmm."

That single "Hmm" has ended three relationships.

Sometimes the chat goes quiet. An hour. Two hours.

Then I get nervous. Is something wrong? Did they start a new group without me? Are they talking about me?

I check if my internet is working. I restart my phone.

And then suddenly: "Guys, I'm having an outfit emergency."

Relief. The world keeps spinning.

We hung out in person recently. At a birthday party.

We sat at the table for half an hour. Nobody said anything. We were all on our phones.

In the group chat. With each other.

Mark sent a cat gif. Thomas a screenshot. Bas a voice message.

We looked up. We looked at each other. We had to laugh.

Then we picked up our phones again. Because someone had posted a photo. Of the cake. That was sitting right in front of us.

Six thumbs up. Within ten seconds.

Maybe we're not great at silence. But when it comes to responding, we're world champions.